Women -from a Man's perspective

I have been asked to write about women. More specifically on the, if I remember the wording of one such request, "the craziness of women". I had to chuckle when I thought about the wording of that particular request. I, being a middle-aged man and having my share of serious relationships with women myself can understand the frustration his words reveal. There are thousands of songs that have been written through the decades by male lyricists on the topic of the fairer sex. I don't think there isn't an aspect of women that hasn't been sung about by men. Songs about brokenhearted men abound. To be accurate there are plenty of happy songs about the love of a woman as well.
There also is a plethora of books and articles written by psychologists, marriage counselors and relationship experts that are centered on the female aspect of male and female relationships.
I am not one of those professionally trained individuals. But I have no doubt that most will agree with what they read in this article.

There was a book published a number of years ago titled "Men are from Mars and Women from Venus". The book was published in 1992 by Dr. John Gray. The books title alone got people talking about the differences between men and women besides their obvious aesthetic and physical differences.
Another book written from a different perspective than Gray's book is titled "The Adam and Eve Sindrome" written by Roy Masters. Yes the spelling of the word "sindrome" is correct. This book was first published back in 1985.
A book I highly suggest is titled "Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women". Like the Mars and Venus book it too was published in 1992. The co-authors are Anne Moir and David Jessel and in my opinion did an awesome job explaining the biology, neurology and science behind the differences in the genders.
There have been, and continue to be written, innumerable articles in both men and womens magazines on the topic of relationships of the heterosexual kind.

Churches also attempt to tackle the complicated subject of relationships between man and woman. I am a Christian myself and can site, quote and refer to many Bible verses concerning the subject. I can think of many Bible stories that both directly and indirectly relate to men and women relationships as well.
In spite of all the works of print, and all the counseling, and all the preaching that exists on the subject of inter-gender relationships there remains confusion.
The solution to that conclusion lays buried under our own baggage of expectation.

We enter into a relationship with hope for the future of that very relationship. We have hopes that our dreams of finding that "perfect one" for us has finally come to pass. The brutal reality is that is often found to not be the case down the road.
Sometimes that "special someone" turns out to have habits, traits or behavior that we didn't initially see. Maybe we didn't see them because of our own self-imposed blindness, or maybe they were well hidden from us by that person. Whatever the case may be the bliss of love and happiness turns into sadness and bitterness.
The drug addicts, alcoholics, psychopaths and mentally unstable aside, relationships between two normal people fail at a high rate needlessly.
I use the term "normal" to define those who do have the mental capacity for loving another person of the opposite sex. We all bring emotional "baggage" with us into a relationship. Yes, men that means you, my fellow males as well. The baggage an addict or psychologically disturbed person brings could fill a tractor-trailer and that is not "normal". That is way too much baggage and dooms a relationship from the start. Those type men and women are not the subject of this article. The rest of us that are "normal" still have certain amounts of baggage we bring into a relationship. Some of us have a pick-up truck load, some just have enough to fill one large suit case.
The fact is, male or female, we are all human and have our imperfections.

I once heard it said that a friend is someone who sees your flaws but likes you in spite of them; that a friend likes you for what they see in you and your potential good. I think of my own friends and my like for them and I agree with that statement. A friend, a true friend, loves you even though you aren't perfect. The love of a friend is a very powerful one and a forgiving one when it comes to your flaws. They forgive your shortcomings and still enjoy your company. We men folk get along so well with our "buds" because we not only see each others' good character traits we also see the not-so-good ones and tolerate them. Women do the exact same in their own friendships with fellow females. Where I believe men and women both go wrong in their relationships with each other is they don't see their relationships as friendships. Opposite sexed people develop platonic relationships all the time. A man and a woman that are simply friends with no sex involved can get along quite well. They get along as well as same-gender friendships.

In relationships that involve sex friendship seems to become secondary. Why is it that the same man and woman in a relationship can have happy realtionships with their friends yet fail at the relationship between them as a couple? The answer is, as I have already stated, they don't see their "significant other" as a friend.
Not only do a man and woman have to be friends they need to be best friends.
Men that view their wives or girlfriends as their best friends are the happiest men I have ever met in my life. Happy relationship wise at least. The women in those type relationships think of their men as their best friends as well. Couples must be friends, and best friends at that, to have happy and healthy relationships. I realize I will have those who oppose this assertion, but I challenge them to show me a truly happy couple that don't work that way.

Being best friends in a relationship with the opposite sex does not mean there won't be problems, arguments and disagreements. But being tight friends there will always end up a fair compromise and a resolution to any issue that might of caused some conflict initially. What I believe leads to the break up couples and marriages, besides the obvious infidelity, abuse and the such like, is general unhappiness. Takes no psychologist to figure that one out. But what leads up to the unhappiness? This general unhappiness comes about from lack of desired fulfillment. The level of expectation of fulfillment of needs and desires by our significant other may or may not be realistic. Usually they are quite basic needs and desires. It is just that we think and assume that the other person automatically knows what we need and when we need it and how we want it. I am not just talking about sex here, but that definitely is one of the needs. I have heard it explained like this: men need validation and compliment and women need attention and compliment. Men may think they need physical attention in a sexual manner and women just want to cuddle, but it isn't that simple. Men like to be touched, hugged and given non-sexual contact just like women do. Granted we men may want sex more than our wives but if you gave her the other physical attention she needs you just might get more.
Some women complain they don't get sex as often as they would like from their men and the same advice applies. Non-sexual physical contact is extremely important in a happy relationship. The more the better, if even just one graves more of it than the other.
It is not just non-sexual contact that matters, it is mental contact. A couple must validate and compliment each other everyday. A wife likes to hear she did a good job on something she made or cooked as much as a husband likes to hear his wife compliment him on fixing or building something.
No two persons are exactly the same. Not even twins are exactly alike mentally and emotionally. Two men or two women that are great friends and get along wonderfully don't share 100% in traits, likes, dis-likes or whatever.
A man and a woman coupled together, no matter how much they are alike, will always have differences. Differences in mentality, emotions, interests and other areas.
It is how they compromise in those not-so-same areas that makes a difference in whether they are a happy couple or not.

I have provided above the titles to three different books on the exact same subject. The subject being the inherent differences between men and women. One mostly deals with the psychological differences. One attacks the subject from a somewhat spiritual and philosophical aspect. The third deals with the differences in a more scientific or medical way. There remains but one real answer to relationship problems between men and women who are coupled together. That one answer is COMMUNICATION. First both have to strive to learn how to begin communicating. Second they have to both work on keeping the communication open and constant. This is a daily effort, but hey, we all know relationships take work.

If you have read this article thus far you may be wondering where does the "women" aspect and their "nuttiness" come in all this? Well here it comes, hold on to your hats gentlemen. Woman are NOT "nuts" as you may suppose. Woman just don't seem to know how to express their thoughts instead of their feelings.
We men have been condemned to the category of unemotional brutes for decades. Men are accused of not being able to express their thoughts or show feelings. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is a common myth and misconception. Many men can and do express their thoughts. Others just need to learn how.
On the flip side of that relationship coin women have been accused of being emotional wrecks. That myth is perpetuated by men who misunderstand the very nature of a woman. Women actually have the same problem men do when it comes to relationships with their men. The problem is cross communication between the 2 different genders. Women speak in a different language than men, and men vice versa.

Men and women that are not "bi-gender-lingual" can not understand each others way of communication. Woman often say what they feel, whereas men just say what they think. Yet neither actually share their inner most thoughts concerning troubled areas within a relationship. This can be the results of one of two things, or a combination of both. The first one being they don't even know themselves what they think or feel. Secondly, they just don't know how to express their thoughts in words.
Where women end up bitter and many times bitchy is they have an expectation that their man fulfill that he doesn't realize is even there.
Where men end up unhappy in relationship is when they reach the point they can't take the bitchiness of their women.
It becomes a vicious cycle.
For men I would suggest seeking a way to learn your lady's gender-language. She most likely is not a bitch, she is just bitching out of frustration.
The language of a female is not an easy one to learn and very few men learn to master it. Yet the more fluent you become in it the happier you, and she, will be.
For women I would suggest learning your man's gender-language and stop assuming he is a cold heartless bastard. The gender-language of the male is no more complicated to learn and understand than the females gender-language.
The extra benefit to learning the language of the opposite sex is that your own expectations of what they should do or say or act will become more realistic and less selfish. That last comment is directed to both sexes/genders.